splendor of love

To all feeling young and beautiful…

who dreams to be a great model…

interested in joining a beauty contest world wide…

Join now as “Look of the Year” and win cash prizes!

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May 1 is nearly coming. That’s gonna be tomorrow! Of course, hahaha! The first day of the month is always a special day for me. To know it why, read my previous posts… hehehe…These few days, there’s only one thing that’s always in my mind. And I always feel these mixed emotions of excitement and worries. I can actually count the days on my “come back” from now. Exactly! It’s confirmed that I am going home in my place. And I have no plans to be back in this place anymore. I realized that being back in my real home is the best way to solve my problems. I can’t forget what my brother told me before that if I have a problem, think of yourself inside the box. And fight for it while you’re inside. You can never fix it when you place yourself outside of that box, because it’s just like running away from the challenges you had. Read the rest of this entry »

LATEST HEARTBREAK?
~january 2008

REASON OF YOUR HAPPINESS?
~being loved by my love ones and
beautiful things…

ARE YOU JEALOUS OF SOMEONE RIGHT NOW?
~no!

YOU WERE SURPRISED BECAUSE…
~i didn’t expect for it! i guess…hehehe

WHAT IS THE PERFECT SONG THAT COULD
EXPLAIN WHATEVER YOU’RE FEELING RIGHT
NOW?
~someday by nina Read the rest of this entry »

nothing has changed…

but i have to let him go…set myself free… 

time will heal its pain anyway… 

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This post might be my the second to the last entry of this blog. I don’t know if I have to delete this blog or maybe just leave it inactive or make posts not related to my sentiments. But one thing for sure I’m not gonna talk about my love life anymore. Each time I blog, it will only make me think of him. Though this helps me to express my feelings, it only makes me harder to forget him. I no longer want to think of him…and it is so sad to say that I cannot make our disclosure of our relationship in person. This “thing” that I have right now that symbolizes our love must be returned to him. This is the reason that keeps me hoping someday we’ll be together again. And I believe he is still hoping for it also. Though it’s hard to make this decision, I really have to do it. Because it will take a longer time before I can go back to our place. It’s hard to see him one day with another girl that I still have this “thing.” And I’m afraid too that he might see me with another guy believing that I love him still. It’s better to free ourselves as early as now. At least we’re giving each other a chance to move on. Read the rest of this entry »

Feelings and emotions change, it doesn’t mean that if you don’t feel for each other anymore, the love is gone. If love were only feelings, then there is no such thing as lasting love. Love can sometimes turn numb or even boring but no matter what, as long as you choose and decide to still continue, it will be more beautiful. Perhaps love is just taking a rest and you just have to be patient. Because love is just life, not all the time you are in for its happiness. Sometimes you also have to give in to its bitterness, so love maturely, not idealistically.

Our human nature indicates to us that love is nothing more than an emotion. We make decisions based on our emotions, and even get married because we feel “in love.” This is the reason that about half of all first marriages end in divorce. Read the rest of this entry »

They say, stolen pictures sometimes portray the real you. These days, I want my pictures infused with smiles. Smiles that could hide the hurt feelings inside of me. Smiles that can be a beginning of moving on. Smiles that could brighten the day to everyone and to myself. But no matter how I stretch my mouth to a big smile…my eyes remain showing the truth. No matter how I try to change the way I live and pretend that I am happy, still my eyes tells the loneliness. Now, my tears are starting to fall…I hate this feeling! You might think that I am very emotional. Yes, I am. This blog is the only output of my feelings. I can’t tell this to anyone straightly ’cause I know…they would only hear me crying. But honestly, nakornihan nko sa ako sarili… I don’t wanna be like this! When can I just stop?!? I can’t wait for that someday, that by the time I wake up in the morning…I will no longer remember to think of him.

It’s 2:50 in the morning, almost 3 o’ clock and still I am sitting in front of the computer. I now wanted to sleep but I can’t. I am so bothered about this blog, maybe I need to make an entry for today.

It’s actually the second month today after we broke up with my ex. I don’t know why I am still counting the days. Perhaps, I want to know how long I can move on and forget my feelings for him. I did not expect that I would be in the situation I have right now. I thought, pain in loving is just like how it was shown in the movies that there’s always a good end of the story. I’m still suffering with the pain I have right now. And maybe this is not yet the end because ain’t no good thing happened. My feeling right now was like empty whenever I think of him. No more tears that runs through my cheeks. But whenever I think of the people that have caused our break up, my heart is like crumpled by somebody that all my tears would burst out. I am not actually blaming them, I blame ourselves especially myself. We were both weak to fight for it. I easily gave up. And he let me go. The reason I am so hurt is because I know he really loves me. But there is a saying that to let go of someone doesn’t mean you stop loving. I believe that we were sincere with how we feel to each other that time, but maybe we had the right love at the wrong time. Just at the wrong time. Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve known my first and truest love since I was 8 years old (I think?). But we’ve started our relationship when I turned to 18 years old. Now, it’s 56 days after we broke up. I’m still moving on. And I still love him. I don’t know if he does or feel the same way now. I really missed the time that I was with him. Days from now, I’ll be going home soon in our place. I need to meet him because I have something that I need to return to him. Though it will tell that everything is totally over between us, I still have to return it. I have to. And though I still love him, I don’t want to rekindle it again. It’s better that we remain friends. I’ve been hurt and I don’t want to add more. I want to save my heart for the one I know (God knows) who is really for me.

For many weeks I believed that I missed him. I actually made a few attempts to rekindle our relationship. After the last botched attempt, I realized I didn’t miss him. I buried that axe. What I missed was that feeling I had with him. It’s difficult to get those feelings back once it’s gone with your first love. When you love for the first time, everything is so open and honest. The bonds that are created in that relationship are so pure. For some, it’s the only time in their lives that they’ve loved like they’ve never been hurt. And that’s only because they’ve never been that badly injured before. Once all of that is broken, people start baracading their hearts and throwing up all kinds of safety nets. They don’t let other lovers in nearly as far because they fear being vulnerable. I will admit that sometimes I miss the feeling. But the man is long gone.

The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it. I actually did not understand that! Hehehe…Anyway, I just like to make some entry today ’cause there’s something I really want to tell. The problem is I can’t let it out, and it’s hard to describe it in words.

Well…

Here it goes…

I’ll try…I’ll try to say it. Read the rest of this entry »

This is really funny for me. I am not actually believing in horoscopes but there are times that it really coincided with the real life. I have read the Friendster Horoscope last Saturday. I knew that day was really unforgettable for me because of my past. It so happen that something really happened to me last March 1, 2008 and it has something to do with the horoscope given. It says there, “someone’s honest words sting..” Someone has really told me something that I don’t know how to react on it. I don’t know if I should be flattered or grateful or even mad at it… I was just so confused with my life now with “that” person. Read the rest of this entry »

March 1 last year has been a very memorable day for me. It was the day when I made a very big decision for my life. The day when I first get into a relationship. Yes.. the day when I finally said “YES” to the guy whom I learned to love and give my trust. The first day of having a boyfriend. Read the rest of this entry »