Recently, I was reading my previous entries from the first month upto the entry before this. Many months had passed, I and my ex both have our own different ways after we broke up. We even never met each other again since I came back here in my hometown. I am trully afraid to see him again because I didn’t understand the way we ended our relationship. Straightly speaking, we didn’t have a proper closure. But since we stopped our communication, I believe there’s no need more of “closure thing.” In fact, I heard he has someone new girlfriend but it didn’t worked so long. Why I am afraid to see him again? It’s because I don’t want to realize that I still love him. But when I read my previous posts, it made me laugh and felt like I’m free. At least, while reading, I am not feeling the way I feel when I wrote those things. Everything I’ve wrote was all about sadness, but then it makes me smile today. Now, I know myself of what I am when I’m hurt and when I am not.

LoVe REaLLy TakeS TiMe To HeaL When You’rE hUrtIng So Much.

I feel sad to my close friends who are broken hearted. But I feel special whenever they come to me and share their feelings. I feel like I am trusted to make them feel better.

These few days, two of my closest friends just had their worst experience in relationship. Kinda hard for them to let go of their first love - honestly, I can relate with them. I went through a break-up that left me a big challenge of moving on. And I am happy to realize now that I have moved on completely. That was a chapter in my life that has now closed and I am now ready to grow and enter another chapter of my life.

Here are some ways I did to move on:

• ACCEPTANCE It is really hard to accept the fact that the relationship is over. Honestly, I wished one day we’ll get back together again. But I realized relationship had its time, but has no ran out ways to work.
• LEARN I learned from the experience and looked over what went good and wrong to improve my relationship skills.
  
• FOCUS I do blame myself always as what others usually do. And that is very stressful to other parts of the body. We should take care of ourselves. Though it takes time for sadness to go away, it’s better to remind ourselves of our good qualities.
• AVOID I avoided myself being alone because it only makes me recall of the past. Keeping myself busy is one way to cope up my sadness.

Till I found out, that she has a boyfriend. So I asked her, “is that the guy you’re texting with - everyday?” And she admitted it, “yes! at hannah.” Then I followed her with so many questions. Do you know that guy? How long have you been in relationship? How did you meet each other?

She pulled her phone and let me see her boyfriend’s picture. No wonder why is she so in love, the guy was really handsome. But…

….they were only textmates, for TWO YEARS!!! And they never had a plan to meet yet in personal, she added on sharing.

She knew already what would be my reaction as what her other friends did. A big doubt was there about the guy. In my mind, it might be possible that the real guy is not the one in the picture I saw. He even did not agree to Myrj on chatting with webcam. Their relationship might be true, but there’s big anticipation not only from me, her friends and even Myrj herself that someday, when she’ll find the truth… might give her the best luck or the other way, which is pain.

Nowadays, especially in our country, “text mating” is one of the biggest trend. Some people do this just because they’re bored, looking for fun, way of relief, or their ways of looking for love. It is only a matter of chances or lucks in finding your special someone. That could be the advantage of texting whom you never knew and met. But on the other hand, this could lead to addiction and big failures for those who really believed and was fooled. Text mates might also destruct you in work, studies, and even in marriage (relationships).

It is very rare that text mates could have a happy ending. So, if you think this is your best way to look for a date, just be careful not to be fooled.

I was coming near to the jeepney stop, then I asked the money collector of my change. His face was blank and a little questionable. Then he told me, he already gave me the change. I checked my wallet, then there I see three coins. “Sige lng ka paningil..” that was the line I last heard after I go down. As I cross the street, I was walking like I was just floating. My mind seems very busy while my body is very weak. I looked back again at the jeepney where I rode with, I saw that “yellow” guy looking back at me.

When I reached our house, there I realized how I looked so stupid when I went down from the jeepney. I even heard the money collector laughing at me. But it was too late for me to realize and react. Past is past.

That dream is really telling me the real situation. I can’t resist from doing whatever his favors asking me to do. I know that even he can find someone else, he will still feel that emptiness inside. And when he feels tired, he will fall unto his family to comfort him. That’s why I felt pity for him and at the same time I am hurt because he is always being hurt.

I was awakened at 2 am, that dream is stinging on my head and made me not able to sleep well. But through it, I realized something which reflects to how I really feel for couple of months. It made me reflect some lyrics of Kitchie’s song … “stranded on the same ground…” Yah, I know, I promised not to talked about it again…but honestly, I am still struggling there. These lines really coincided with what I feel right now;

But now i don’t understand why im feeling
So bad now when i know it was my idea.
I could’ve just denied the truth and lied.
But why am i the only one standing stranded
On the same ground?

I always crave for that SOMEDAY, IT will all GONE! Because I am so tired of having this feeling. And I know it’ll only make me hurt and sad.

Online businesses is not also as easy just like in the industry to make a start. There are certain things that you need to know how to progress your business. Usually when having businesses over the internet, we provide ways on how the costumers will pay and receive your product. Speaking of paying, this talks about merchant account provider. If you are interested in offering your customers the option to pay with a credit card and debit card or you are looking for a processor provider that will work more efficiently and effectively than the one you currently use, America Processing can help you with that. They give businesses the ability to accept credit and debit cards in payment for goods and services. Credit cards have become the preferred method of payment in today’s market–making a merchant account essential for any business. Businesses that sell goods and services via the internet require secure means of conducting the transactions.

So couples, if you are having trouble with spending time together with your family, here’s an ideal solution to it. Do online business. There are millions of costumers around the web that are interested to know about your product.

You both live in a very small world. You can simply find where that person is if you wanted to see. Maybe your roads had crossed again many times, but chances have not allowed you to look into an eye to eye. It is not just a coincidence but rather your destinies. Sometimes, you wished to meet this person again. But then if you feel the wind coming nearer to you, your heart beats so fast. Maybe God wanted you to be prepared first or totally healed before He allows you to meet again. If there are chances like it’s almost there, its purpose is to let you realize how fine it is now.

Here in Davao City, the biggest mall so far is the SM City Mall. I’ve heard that Ayala Mall will be constructed also here in Davao soon. I can’t wait for that mall to be built. Well, speaking of Ayala Mall, I recall my embarrassing moment when I was in Cebu. There was this old foreign man who asked me where is “ACE” located. And I’ve never heard that name of a place ever since. So I just answered him, “My name is Hannah not Ace.” He looked at me with his confused face and then he walked out. While, hanging around in Ayala, I saw that very big hardware store and entered there. I was so fascinated with the different styles, colors and designs of the shades or blinds for windows displayed. It comes to my mind how I wish I could buy and keep them for my future house. I love them because it is made up of natural woods and bamboo. And so when I went out to that store, I looked for its name. Then I saw there with big red letters… “ACE Hardware.” There, I realized it was the place that the foreigner was looking for. On my way home, I laughed and laughed and keep it to myself that embarrassing moment.

Talking back about those blinds and shades, I keep on canvassing another company that sells blinds, shades and window treatments that can be found here in Davao.

I posted the video in Youtube months ago, but then I removed it since my friends keep on teasing me. I did transfer it to my Multiply profile but only my contacts can view the video.

We were so open to talk about anything, but not about our past. Until such time, I didn’t expect he would tell to me that they broke up with his gf. When I knew that, I was wondering why on me? Why is he telling that to me when I know he has a lot of friends out there where he could share that. I was so confused at that time of what to tell him, will I show comfort or vent all the blames to him?

Well, keeping on mind that we’re “good friends,” I even advised him to ask to her another chance. I don’t know if that was right. I was just thinking how the girl feels that time. As far as I know, that girl is younger than me. I don’t know the reason why they broke up. But one thing I know is, he realized the thing that I want him to realize.

I won’t allow myself to miss capturing the last moments of my stay here in Cebu. And besides, I love taking pictures of myself whenever I feel happy and even sad. It’s good to know that there are lots of best wide angle digital camera available in stores nowadays. So it’s easy to treasure all the moments that we truly enjoyed through taking pictures.

It’s really fun when you use best digital camera because it can really capture the real color of the background just like the picture above. The sky is so blue and I loved it!

My friends all know that my older brother is against to our relationship. And he even knows it too. I thought keeping our relationship longer would make us both stronger to fight for it. The problem is I couldn’t find an enough reason to hold on and insist him to my brother. How could I? Every time I’ll share to him about my brother’s opinion, it seems he’s not interested to know it. I know it would hurt him much. But he would only tell me that whatever my decision is, he would just agree to it. By the moment he told me that, I realized that he doesn’t need or love me that much. I felt not secured of his love. So how could I turn my back to my brother when I know someday it’ll prove that he is right. I realized that one day my boyfriend will let me go if I have to follow my brother’s words. And I realized he is too weak. I should’ve break up with him earlier, before my love deepen as this. Honestly, I waited for the time his love for me will fade, and I know it will really fade. The more his love will weaken ’cause I’m far from him — for sure there will be a lot of temptations around when I’m not there beside him. I always made him mad ’till he lost his patience. I always look for a problem, making small things to complicate until he would feel tired and like giving up. But when I was doing those cruel things, I get more hurt. ‘Cause I know someday he will no longer be waiting for me.

Till such time, four months ago we ended our relationship. If you would read all my previous pots (sentiments) from January 2008 to present, you will know how much I am really hurt. But then today, I feel even more happy and contented than he was still my boyfriend. Take note, he’s my first bf. (Now you know why!) It comes to my mind why do I love him so much. And I always think deeply about it. I realized he’s not really my ideal man but I was happy when he was there for me. And that’s the only reason why I said “YES” to him. It so happen when he was courting me, I was very upset. He gave me reasons to smile and forget my worries. And besides, it’s my first time to felt that “spark” with a guy. Or shall I say… that magic feeling - “kilig.” Whatever reasons why he let me go that easily, whether it’s a third party or not, I can say HE IS NOT MY LOST BUT I AM HIS LOST. A lost that can never be found again in his whole life! I may be very hurt today but I know tomorrow he can never hurt me again… no more agains…

Someday, I will meet the man who will truly love me and will never leave me. He may not be perfect but he can be the right man for me. Now I realized that it’s cool to find out that I don’t need a boyfriend to be happy. Being happy is not just being in love. I know in relationships, it’s not all about happiness - there will an always painful trial that comes around. The more life can be happy if someone is always there for you to fight for it. People around are not responsible to make us happy, they just become part of our happiness. It is “US” who choose to be happy. Then if winning in my game will make me happy, my heart will always be open to someone who is willing to play with me in my game.

Few months after, I get to know him better and better. I am really amazed with his unique personality and his interests. I got the chance to visit him at his office. It’s so easy to find his desk it’s because I saw plenty of toy soldiers displayed. In his car, there were also plenty of diecast toy vehicles. In spite of his being childish, I like him very much because he teaches very well. He explains every topic very clear and easy to understand. He doesn’t give us so much pressure in class because he gives simple exams. Everyone in class wants to achieve because he gives prizes to those who top in exams. Those prizes were actually his collections bought in Shopwiki. Most of it were collectible toys. These are the reasons why I can never forget him. I know not only me who can recall him, but all those students under his class especially those girls and “gays” who got crush on him.

Next month will be June, it’s gonna be the time for all fathers to be appreciated of all the great things they have done to the family. I’m thinking again of what’s gonna be the perfect gift for my dad on Father’s Day. What comes first in my mind is to inspire him back in his old hobby, singing and playing guitar. My dad is really great into music. And sometimes whenever he starts to sing, it’s also the best time we could spend time to each other. I can always get along with him. And I really miss that moments now. So I’ll try to replace the old guitar in our house because it’s quite out of tune already even we tried to fix it many times.

We should at least show cares to our parents and our thanks to them for all of their hard works to us. It’s not only by giving them material things to make them special. But the only perfect gift to our parents is obeying and respecting them. That’s the most important!

I think this new service, become the popular one. Because they have easy navigation and fast loading. I think I will love this service. And use it regularly. It is not just about uploading your photos and updating your blogs. What’s unique with this community is you can chat with the other members and can hear the latest mp3 hits. So I can say this is the fastest way in meeting old and new friends.