splendor of love

As what I have said, I will no longer talk about RIOHAN’s story. But I just wanted to share my reflections of all my experiences (my first love life). This will be my last words about RIOHAN. Don’t worry I’m not going to delete this blog. Maybe someday, I’ll change its header…which is no longer existing in real life. I’m gonna use this for my paid posts. Hehehe…So let me start now my reflection. Ahemnnn….

My friends all know that my older brother is against to our relationship. And he even knows it too. I thought keeping our relationship longer would make us both stronger to fight for it. The problem is I couldn’t find an enough reason to hold on and insist him to my brother. How could I? Every time I’ll share to him about my brother’s opinion, it seems he’s not interested to know it. I know it would hurt him much. But he would only tell me that whatever my decision is, he would just agree to it. By the moment he told me that, I realized that he doesn’t need or love me that much. I felt not secured of his love. So how could I turn my back to my brother when I know someday it’ll prove that he is right. I realized that one day my boyfriend will let me go if I have to follow my brother’s words. And I realized he is too weak. I should’ve break up with him earlier, before my love deepen as this. Honestly, I waited for the time his love for me will fade, and I know it will really fade. The more his love will weaken ’cause I’m far from him — for sure there will be a lot of temptations around when I’m not there beside him. I always made him mad ’till he lost his patience. I always look for a problem, making small things to complicate until he would feel tired and like giving up. But when I was doing those cruel things, I get more hurt. ‘Cause I know someday he will no longer be waiting for me.

Till such time, four months ago we ended our relationship. If you would read all my previous pots (sentiments) from January 2008 to present, you will know how much I am really hurt. But then today, I feel even more happy and contented than he was still my boyfriend. Take note, he’s my first bf. (Now you know why!) It comes to my mind why do I love him so much. And I always think deeply about it. I realized he’s not really my ideal man but I was happy when he was there for me. And that’s the only reason why I said “YES” to him. It so happen when he was courting me, I was very upset. He gave me reasons to smile and forget my worries. And besides, it’s my first time to felt that “spark” with a guy. Or shall I say… that magic feeling - “kilig.” Whatever reasons why he let me go that easily, whether it’s a third party or not, I can say HE IS NOT MY LOST BUT I AM HIS LOST. A lost that can never be found again in his whole life! I may be very hurt today but I know tomorrow he can never hurt me again… no more agains…

Someday, I will meet the man who will truly love me and will never leave me. He may not be perfect but he can be the right man for me. Now I realized that it’s cool to find out that I don’t need a boyfriend to be happy. Being happy is not just being in love. I know in relationships, it’s not all about happiness - there will an always painful trial that comes around. The more life can be happy if someone is always there for you to fight for it. People around are not responsible to make us happy, they just become part of our happiness. It is “US” who choose to be happy. Then if winning in my game will make me happy, my heart will always be open to someone who is willing to play with me in my game.